What I learned at my kids' Open House Night

1. I REALLY don't like a lot of people.


2. I am not a volunteer'er and i am WAY more than OK with NOT spending $50 in baking supplies so that the class can sell cakes and cookies at the bake sale for $.05 each and make $30 TOTAL. Let's call this stupidity over and i'll cut ya a check and keep the $20 diff, k?


3. My ass is WAY too big to sit in my kid's tiny plastic 2nd grade chair.


4. Putting makeup on, cute sandals, skinny jeans AND accessories is WAY overdressed for this event. Note for nexte year: Keds and mom jeans are the apparent dress code. Note to override previous note: I will NEVER wear mom jeans. Or keds.


5. Teachers are not paid enought to put up with both kids AND parents. Parents, when they say that the night is for an overview of what's going on in class and NOT about your specific child - THEY MEAN IT ALREADY - STOP taking up Ms.Crabtree's time about why Sally doesn't like where she's sitting and how she's just not challenged enough in class. We get it, your kid is a gifted - and you're obnoxious.


6. The lunchroom smells exactly the same as it did when I was in 2nd grade - what in the HELL do they feed us in elementary school that makes it smell like canned green beans, plastic tupperware and PineSol??


7. PTA folks - you TOOK UP WAY TOO MUCH TIME telling us how much money you need this year. Here's a thought. Let's scrap Harvest Hoedown, Beach Blanket BBQ, Sally Foster, and Theme Basket Auctions and just tell each parent to send in a check for $300 and we're done. Kind of goes with #2 above. However, If you really want to have an event and get into our wallets - think of something with alcohol and music. There's a reason strip clubs serve alcohol and play loud music, people - TO MAKE GETTING MONEY OUT OF A WALLET MUCH EASIER. Think about it.