Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Unconquered my ass.







He hates it when I do this.

Grab him around the neck as we're about to go somewhere and do the





onearmextendstaystilliamstillsmiledammitandshutupCLICK.


I swear I did have makeup on. Not lipstick. But i did have foundation on. And mascara. Ok, not on the left eye in the pic. Just the right one. No, i had not started tailgating yet. I simply had a small incident with the eyelash curler. That is an instrument of the devil, of that I'm sure. I was minding my business, holding the heated curler against said eye ( i do know how to do this i swear) with a firm grip to make the lash curl ever so tight...and...snap. WHAT THE ...I slowly released that torture device from my eye and there, laying ever so sadly WERE ALL MY UPPER LASHES. Well, not ALL. There were 3 left on the left, and 2 on the right. A BIG GAP in between.


Jiminy xmas.

Oh well...lashes be damned, there's a par-tay to get to...let's commence, shall we? Wait...come back here...i know everyone hates pictures of people they don't know...but dammit, i spent a lot of time putting together this drinkamentary, and lets not forget several eyelashes were killed in the making of this event just for your entertainment. Now where was I? Ah..ok...now see, this is how Vance's homeboys tailgate...pretty sweet, huh?

I have to admit, this is MUCH better than actually sitting on an actual tailgate. in the parking lot. in 99 degree heat. with no shade. and lots of idiots. drunk idiots passing footballs back and forth. falling over coolers of beer. and into grills of hot coals and burned hotdogs. maybe not as entertaining in that regard. but still better.

Let's breakdown this pic, less we leave anything out...


  1. Big Screen TV(far back right) - check
  2. Keg bar (straight back, past grampa in the dad jeans) - check
  3. Grandma's portable oxygen tank - check
  4. ......4. Me making room for more margaritas - check















Hey...wait, sit back down, ... there's more.

....not yet....

...come on....patience is virtue people...it's the only virtue i've got, and it's going fast......

....here we go! DOAK STADIUM!















can you see it? ...there...just over the fence and through the trees....beckoning...

...and thus we begin the holy trek...














it's a beautiful site, isn't it?






Nope, you're not staring at a film negative...you must be drinking again....PUT DOWN THAT DRINK...


Osceola throwing the flaming spear into the ground! see baby, i DO pay attention to the details...















WAR CHANT!


yeah, that motion the crowd is doing with their right arm..well..i'm not sure what we call that...certainly not the TOMAHAWK CHOP. is it still considered unPC to use that term??

What's that you say? Where's the action on the field? Oh...that. Yeah. Uhm. My batteries died? No? Not buying that? Uhm...ok, it RAINED OUT. No...? really? ALRIGHT. FINE. WE LOST. The pictures have been held to protect those guilty. DAMN OFFENSE. Don't they realize that I HAVE TO LIVE WITH A SHELL OF A MAN UNTIL THE NEXT WEEK???


















2 comments:

Carolyn...Online said...

I've just been reading and scrolling and reading and laughing. Must go scroll down and read some more.

Hi!

maitlandmommy said...

Hey back at ya! i'm glad i can return the laughs - you make me spew coffee quite a bit yourself (well sometimes it's wine, but i put it in a coffee cup. appearances you know, it being 8am and all)