Friday, May 29, 2009

So, the front door...

Thanks guys for the comments - and Pop/Ice, i know those colors are kind of passe now - but they are so pretty....i need to think about what new color combo i would choose....hmmm. have to think about that one.

While i was out cruising around on the web - i dropped in on a site that i love! I have bookmarked her site and she is the bomb - i swear. SO MUCH cute stuff - YOU MUST GO VISIT HER NOW :) - and saw some great front door inspiration - how cool is this?? Very Pottery Barn/vintage'ish. Love the hardware too.

Red doesn't obviously go with my current paint scheme - ohhh....what to do, what to do....

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Back to the house thing again.

Remember last year when i did the post about listing my house for sale? And everyone was like, oh, what are you thinking, the market's tanking, the sky is falling, banks are NOT giving out mortgages to buyers, you're SCREWED, again, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??!?

Yeah, ok, you win.

SO. Now that it isn't selling I can really HAVE SOME FUN. But where to start?? I'm going to post a different room with each post - and let
you guys tell me what you see going in there. Or if my ideas rock or if they just won't work.

If i had to define my style - it's coastal living - which is appropriate since i'm in Florida. INLAND, but Florida. Also, i lean towards cottage - not formal, not tuscan, not french country. Simple, coastal style.

Should we start with the front door? Here is a pic of my 'cottage'. I really don't like the color. ick. I LOVE the line of the roof. I hate my WHITE front door. I don't like the "Florida vernacular" style - but i think i can 'fix' it. LOL.

Here is a pic of house, somewhat similar (if you tilt the computer on it's side and then look) that has shutters - making it somewhat coastal/mediterranean. I LOVE that. I think i can do that on the right window. My windows are slightly arched - but they make those plank shutters arched too - so that would be kind of cool, no? As far as the color of house - i REALLY love the idea of a pale PALE blue (kind of a muddy blue) and brown shutters.

So, tell me, my virtual friends - yes, no, different ideas?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Girl power in a bathroom stall

Yesterday we cleaned the house like a couple of people possessed so that we could scurry to the beach for a few hours before the bad weather came back.

After spending 3 glorious hours without kids, laying on the beach, and watching all the other parents chase their children around - we decided to pack it up and head to this local dive that had live music for a burger and a beer, not necessarily in that order.

While Vance ordered, i ran to the restroom and when i came out of the stall, there were these 2 girls - young women of drinking age - standing at the sink.

One of them was sobbing, and from how the conversation was going, it didn't take long to determine it was over a young man. Her cheeks were stained black from all the maybelline mascara making her cheeks look like an atlas.

Girl #1: "...and then i said, Jjj..uhh..ssttii..nnnn, sniff, we just nnnnee-eed, sniff, to, like, and work on it..., and like, NOT SEE OTHER PEOPLE..."

Girl #2: "..look, you just need to TALK to him, and not, be like, all EMOTIONAL..."

Girl #3: "... I knnnoo..wwwWWWW"

And for just a split second, i thought about pulling a Miranda in the SATC episode where she overhears a conversation between girlfriends about why a guy hasn't called - all he's just not that into you- and telling this sweet, sobbing co-ed to suck it up, get over it, and get on with having fun.

Good lord. If i was her age and (and weight again) - I would SO be rockin my worth and NOT be sobbing over a man. What you learn at 30 versus 20 amazes me still.

Anyway, before i got the opportunity to insert myself unnecessarily, girl #2 walks over behind her sobbing friend and places her hands on each side of mascara dripping cheeks and tilts her friend's head so they're both looking in the mirror....and says:

"you are SO bringin' sexy back"

and i about peed my pants. i laughed, the masacara mess of a girl laughed and for a few split seconds, Justin whatever his name was, was forgotten.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Stripping in the evenings doesn't really cover my bills.

So, you know how something looks REALLY easy and then you say to yourself that YOU should do it because it's, you know, soooo easy.


Let's just say the strippers here in the greater Orlando area have nothing to worry about.

(Don't have a stroke, i didn't take my almost 40 (god, did i really say that out loud??!?) year old butt up to the local slide and stick (that paints a pretty picture, doesn't it?) on amateur night. nonononono.)

I bought into the hype and asked Vance to get me this:

I did not get the pole. Only because there is no room for it in my house. or i would have. seriously.

So, i've been honing my stripper prowess for all of 5 days. This is an evil tape. What you see on this clip - that's the easiest part of the whole damn thing. and it lasts all of 5 minutes. The rest of the dvd must be for those ADVANCED strippers.

See that chair? Ok, now what they DON'T show is this "throw your leg over the back of the chair and kill yourself move" and what they really SHOULD do, like carry a warning that this routine is NOT to be used with any of the modern day kitchen or dining room chairs, like say, Pottery Barn chairs. Why, ask you? I'll be more than happy to tell you.

Because my dear aspiring striplets - THOSE CHAIR BACKS REACH YOUR NAVEL OR HIGHER. Especially if you hail from MIDGET stock. which i do.

So, i go to swing my leg over the back of the chair and my calf hits the chair, i lose my balance and i fall on my cat. The cat was not amused.

So, i try again. This time i knock the chair into the drywall. Guess what i'm doing this weekend while we're stuck inside because of rain? It involves spackle.

But...all is not lost. I am not a quitter. oh no. i went out and BOUGHT a chair of appropriate height so that i could continue. oh yes i did.

and this is all so i can walk around July 4th in a bikini and not embarrass myself.

If you're wondering if it works - all i can say is i hope that pain that i'm feeling between my shoulder blades is worth it. BETWEEN MY SHOULDER BLADES. think about that for a minute. Not my thighs - they're sore, but tolerable. Not my stomach, although i feel it when i'm stretching for something - BUT BETWEEN MY SHOULDER BLADES.

This works every bit of your core. I love it. I just wonder where 40 year old strippers can find work????

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Telemarketers are stupid.

Me, answering phone. My CELL phone: "Hello?"

Telemarketer man: "Can I speak to Ms. Simasek?"

Me, annoyed, yet willing to amuse myself and avoid actual work today: "You can, you're vocal chords seem to work well enough."

Confused Telemarketer man: "...Excuse me?"

Me, not enjoying this nearly enough to make up for actually answering the damn phone: "You asked if you could speak and you obviously can, because you ARE."

Now irritated Telemarketer Man (at least we're on the same page there): "Is Ms Simasek there?"

Me: "Yes, i believe she is."


Him: "Well, can i speak to her??"

Me - exasperated: "Didn't you just ask that?"

Him - even more so: "Look, this is IndyMac calling about refinance options on her mortgage - can i just speak to her?"

Me: "LOOK. First of all, it's MAY, not CAN. May you speak WITH her - not CAN you speak TO her - unless of course this is just a one-way conversation, which, in that case, TO would be appropriate."

heavy sigh. from him. i think there was a slight giggle that escaped from me.

Telemarketer man now ignoring all of that: "I would just like to discuss your re-fi options."

hmmm. i guess he figured out it was me. he gets points for not hanging up.

Me: "OK, what are they?"

Him: "We are offering 4.5% fixed, you're currently at 6.5%. We could refinance you in pretty quickly and get you locked in."

Me: "Ok, what are the costs? What do i have to do to get this started?"

Him: "I just need to query your home's value and check it against your outstanding principal."

This is where you here the jeopardy music start kicking in.......

Him: "huh."

Me: "That sound you just made. What was that?"

Him: "Your house is worth exactly what you mortgaged 2 years ago."

Me: "Shocking."

Him, not truly understanding SARCASM or how it sounds: "No, see, the market has really dipped....."

Me: "Uhm...skippy? i GOT it. i was TEASING. Can you re-fi me or not?"

Poor, poor Skippy: "uhm, no."

Me: "How many of these calls have you done today?"

Skippy: "15"

Me: "How many were you able to actually offer a refi to?"

Skip: "none"

Me: "Do you have a quota?"

Him: "yes."

Me: " YOU have a mortgage?"



Me: "Skippy - i gave you 20% of the purchase price when i closed. From what i'm seeing I'm a rarity. And i have stellar - fly me to the moon credit - and you hold my original note - AND I HAVE NO DEBT - Who in the hell ARE you selling refi's to? "

Skippy: "I really shouldn't take up anymore of your time."

No, SKIPPER, you really should NOT. What you SHOULD be doing is finding a new job. Where you can actually sell something. Good luck out there. And one more thing - if you choose to stay in sales - i have one word for ya. PREQUAL.