Telemarketers are stupid.

Me, answering phone. My CELL phone: "Hello?"

Telemarketer man: "Can I speak to Ms. Simasek?"

Me, annoyed, yet willing to amuse myself and avoid actual work today: "You can, you're vocal chords seem to work well enough."

Confused Telemarketer man: "...Excuse me?"

Me, not enjoying this nearly enough to make up for actually answering the damn phone: "You asked if you could speak and you obviously can, because you ARE."

Now irritated Telemarketer Man (at least we're on the same page there): "Is Ms Simasek there?"

Me: "Yes, i believe she is."

silence.

Him: "Well, can i speak to her??"

Me - exasperated: "Didn't you just ask that?"

Him - even more so: "Look, this is IndyMac calling about refinance options on her mortgage - can i just speak to her?"

Me: "LOOK. First of all, it's MAY, not CAN. May you speak WITH her - not CAN you speak TO her - unless of course this is just a one-way conversation, which, in that case, TO would be appropriate."

heavy sigh. from him. i think there was a slight giggle that escaped from me.

Telemarketer man now ignoring all of that: "I would just like to discuss your re-fi options."

hmmm. i guess he figured out it was me. he gets points for not hanging up.

Me: "OK, what are they?"

Him: "We are offering 4.5% fixed, you're currently at 6.5%. We could refinance you in pretty quickly and get you locked in."

Me: "Ok, what are the costs? What do i have to do to get this started?"

Him: "I just need to query your home's value and check it against your outstanding principal."

This is where you here the jeopardy music start kicking in.......

Him: "huh."

Me: "That sound you just made. What was that?"

Him: "Your house is worth exactly what you mortgaged 2 years ago."

Me: "Shocking."

Him, not truly understanding SARCASM or how it sounds: "No, see, the market has really dipped....."

Me: "Uhm...skippy? i GOT it. i was TEASING. Can you re-fi me or not?"

Poor, poor Skippy: "uhm, no."

Me: "How many of these calls have you done today?"

Skippy: "15"

Me: "How many were you able to actually offer a refi to?"

Skip: "none"

Me: "Do you have a quota?"

Him: "yes."

Me: "and....do YOU have a mortgage?"

silence.

hmmmmm.

Me: "Skippy - i gave you 20% of the purchase price when i closed. From what i'm seeing I'm a rarity. And i have stellar - fly me to the moon credit - and you hold my original note - AND I HAVE NO DEBT - Who in the hell ARE you selling refi's to? "

Skippy: "I really shouldn't take up anymore of your time."

No, SKIPPER, you really should NOT. What you SHOULD be doing is finding a new job. Where you can actually sell something. Good luck out there. And one more thing - if you choose to stay in sales - i have one word for ya. PREQUAL.