Saturday, May 23, 2009

Stripping in the evenings doesn't really cover my bills.

So, you know how something looks REALLY easy and then you say to yourself that YOU should do it because it's, you know, soooo easy.


Let's just say the strippers here in the greater Orlando area have nothing to worry about.

(Don't have a stroke, i didn't take my almost 40 (god, did i really say that out loud??!?) year old butt up to the local slide and stick (that paints a pretty picture, doesn't it?) on amateur night. nonononono.)

I bought into the hype and asked Vance to get me this:

I did not get the pole. Only because there is no room for it in my house. or i would have. seriously.

So, i've been honing my stripper prowess for all of 5 days. This is an evil tape. What you see on this clip - that's the easiest part of the whole damn thing. and it lasts all of 5 minutes. The rest of the dvd must be for those ADVANCED strippers.

See that chair? Ok, now what they DON'T show is this "throw your leg over the back of the chair and kill yourself move" and what they really SHOULD do, like carry a warning that this routine is NOT to be used with any of the modern day kitchen or dining room chairs, like say, Pottery Barn chairs. Why, ask you? I'll be more than happy to tell you.

Because my dear aspiring striplets - THOSE CHAIR BACKS REACH YOUR NAVEL OR HIGHER. Especially if you hail from MIDGET stock. which i do.

So, i go to swing my leg over the back of the chair and my calf hits the chair, i lose my balance and i fall on my cat. The cat was not amused.

So, i try again. This time i knock the chair into the drywall. Guess what i'm doing this weekend while we're stuck inside because of rain? It involves spackle.

But...all is not lost. I am not a quitter. oh no. i went out and BOUGHT a chair of appropriate height so that i could continue. oh yes i did.

and this is all so i can walk around July 4th in a bikini and not embarrass myself.

If you're wondering if it works - all i can say is i hope that pain that i'm feeling between my shoulder blades is worth it. BETWEEN MY SHOULDER BLADES. think about that for a minute. Not my thighs - they're sore, but tolerable. Not my stomach, although i feel it when i'm stretching for something - BUT BETWEEN MY SHOULDER BLADES.

This works every bit of your core. I love it. I just wonder where 40 year old strippers can find work????


Pop and Ice said...

My husband would buy me the video and the chair just to see me slap my booty while exercising! I somewhat doubt the "quick" results but it's always fun to *dream*....

Rose - The Center of My Self said...

ha! You always crack me up! It looks like fun, but then I love anything dance-y. Let us know if you get results anywhere else besides your shoulder blades. :-D

Natalie said...

I'm crying right now .... you're killing me... but I'm going to go order one now!

When are you coming back on this side of FL? EVER?

maitlandmommy said...

It's really fun but i think i only move like that after a few martinis. Maybe i need to drink before i work out.

Nat - check you email!