Meet me under the mistletoe...I have some children I'd like to give you.

"Get your shoes on, i have some errands to run."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH MOOOOOOOOM I don't want to run errands."

"Get in the car."

"I HATE ERRANDS. I HATE SHOPPING. Why can't i stay here???"

"Get in the car."

"But MOOOOOMMMMM - I..."

"I SAID GET IN THE FRIGGIN CAR. NOW. NOT TOMORROW. NOT 10 SECONDS FROM NOW. NOOOOOOOOOOOW."

"I'm gonna tell Dad - you said the F word!".

sigh.

"Quit ramming the cart into your brother."

"Stop touching your brother."

"Don't SAY THAT WORD."

"I SAID DON'T SAY THAT WORD."

"Don't pick up that box. It's glass."

"CLEAN UP ON AISLE 3. BRING BROOM AND DUSTPAN."

sigh.

"I want THIS for Christmas."

"Can i get it NOW?"

"Why?? PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSE???"

"YOU NEVER LET ME GET ANYTHING AT THE STORE."

"I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!"

me too.

"I LOVE CHRISTMAS, IT'S SO MUCH FUN. RIGHT MOM??"

"ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY"

truly.

You know how holding someone's hair when they puke makes you REALLY tight with them?

i can top it.

It's been a confusing, strange path of late - between me, the ex and the girlfriend/fiance of his. Some of which i've blogged about. A lot of which i haven't. A lot - and i mean a LOT girlfriends - of time on my knees, forgetting what time it was, praying in earnest to show me what to do and how to do it, and the strength to do it with.

It's ok.

I got to"peace".

We've talked. A lot. I found out that I really like her. Like, as in, we would probably be friends if we met up and there was no ex involved. We have glasses of wine, stories about family, jobs, and kids. And it isn't forced. It.just.is. And that's good.

But tonight - tonight it went past that.

My youngest, my Nate, my baby, is sick. Stayed home from school today with stuffy nose, headache, and sore throat.

This was his dad's day - so i went by to see him and see if he needed anything. She walked me up to his room where he was on his bed and as i sat down with the walgreen's bag in my lap on one side of him, she sat on the other.

And that is about when he turned around and projectile threw up. We're not talking baby or toddler puke. We're talking kid, chunk puke (nice visual, huh?).

As i grabbed the bag i had to hold under him - she held his forehead. She never flinched. No gag reflex action. Believe me. I watched. closely. when you haven't had kids - it's hard to stifle that. once you've had one - you hardly notice.

And when he finally settled down, he looked at me and leaned back against her.

and i thought, THAT'S the kind of person that i want backing me up when i'm not around. And as sad as it is - i can't be there every minute - but when i'm not - she will be. And that's ok.

Charity begins at home i always say. Evidently so does my son.

Putting away clothes in Nate's room last week, i find a wad of cash, ones to be precise, stuffed into a sock in his top drawer.

If he weren't only 8 years old, i would say it's his bank roll for some lap dances at the Fox Trap.

When he walked in on me standing there eyeing that cash, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"where did this come from?"

"uhm, allowance?"

me - staring him down.

"ok FINE. It's offering for church."

"what do you mean it's offering for church?? You were supposed to put that in the offering plate in sunday school!"

"they didn't take up offering."

"why didn't you tell me?"

"you didn't ASK"

Very well. You better ASK for Santa to leave you gifts this year. I'm just sayin.

I'm sorry, but it's time. I know you don't think so, but it is.

My children, not to mention V, are now convinced that mommy has indeed lost her mind. I started putting up Christmas decorations last night. I only got as far as the dining room before a glass of wine called me name. Thus the wreath lounging on the bench, and the nutcracker guarding the garland on the dining room floor.

See how brightly that sun is shining on my wreath? It's because it was about 90 degrees yesterday. More Margaritaville than White Christmas. And it's PRE Thanksgiving. MAJOR CRIME. Nate said it was rule that you couldn't decorate for one holiday BEFORE another. Obviously, he hasn't read Nester's rules about decorating. I think she and I would be BFFs IRL.
(see stepdaughter to be - i CAN text, so there.)


Are you living by the calendar right now like I am? Does it mock you like mine does? Do you hear a soft "tick tick tick" resembling a timebomb in your head? I thought once i had kids that damn clock would shut the EFF up. (See, i'm even curtailing my potty mouth. swear.) My calendar is not my friend right now.

1. Round 2 of football season and practice - tick.
2. Getting boys to beach house for Thxgiving holiday w/dad on Saturday - tick.
3. Getting self pack and overnight to Tampa by Saturday night for step's band competition. tick.
4. Get BACK to Winter Park by NOON the next day for our women's group to decorate the church for the holidays. tick.
5. Thanksgiving week in Tallahassee. TICK TICK.
6. Put the tree up, the lights on, and get the menu done. TICK TICK.
   
7. Back from Tallahassee, fly to NYC for 4 days TICK TICK TICK.
8. SHOPPING. WHEN IN IS THIS GOING TO GET DONE???? tick tick tick tick tick

I know y'all feel me. If you don't - just lie to me. Don't be those friends i hate that say "Oh... my shopping is done, i want to ENJOY the holidays." HOW CAN YOU ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT A PANIC ATTACK??? Pishposh, bring on the paxil - and i will wish you a Merry Christmas in no time flat.

Hell wasn't nearly as hot as I'd thought it be.

It got down to 50 degrees in fact. Which was probably a really good thing considering we didn't shower the entire time we were there. It could have been really ripe around all those un-showered little boys.

And - honestly - i have been trying to think of something clever and smarmy to post about this entire adventure. and i can't. I enjoyed myself so much. It was the first time i have EVER had my youngest son all to myself for an entire 3 days. No ex, no future, no grandparents, no big brother. Just him and me. And i'm warning you all right now, that i don't think i can get through this post without a tear or two escaping.

Oh - and the mom's DID come - on Saturday around noon. I guess the dads all go out friday night, and the wives come out for the saturday events and pack campfire ceremony.

We built boats and raced tham in rain gutters (very cool idea and thankfully lots of the male chromosome around to put those rain gutters on their stands and get them to stay put.)...

I did learn some things:

1. All of that stuff i packed that Vance told me was overkill GOT USED. so there mr. man.
2. Don't forget the tarp for under your tent - or you'll have to clean the bottom where it was sitting on the ground in the dirt, before you can pack it up and put in your nice clean car. or you can do like i did, and shove it in your car anyway.
   
3. When your husband laughs at you for packing a broom and dustpan, do it anyway, because like #2 - that's another thing you'll have to clean out when you get home - the inside.
4. The boys will want to build a fort in the woods, as far off the path that you will let them go, with sticks, and pine needles and palm frawns. Let them. Go with them. Get dirty. Crawl inside. Be THAT mom.
   
5. Keep your tent zipped up the ENTIRE TIME. or you will get visitors like this:
6. No matter how many times the following words come out of your mouth, it will be echoed by another parent in less than 5 minutes. For example: "Don't run with that stick, skewer, flashlight, tent pole, WHAT IS THAT, in your hand - you're going to poke an eye out, break your front teeth out, break an arm, a leg, trip over the picnic table, the campfire, the tent stake..." get the idea?
   
7. Spend the $25 and get the air bed. AND THE PUMP. i slept like a baby - and everyone had them.
8. Spend the extra $10 and get the sleeping bags that go down to 20 degrees. once again, worth it. Florida girl here...hellooooooooo.
9. Don't stress what you don't know. and i didn't know a lot. You'll learn and other parents all help. It is one big family out in wilderness. i mean camp that was 10 minutes from the interstate.
   

We invited guests into our site...look really closely....can you see them? They're gray and blend into the picnic table...sand hill cranes.


We had a great big pack meeting around the campfire (that's my kid with the blond hair, the arm sling and the walking stick - all props for the den's skit.)



and we closed the evening with a 'bobcat' ceremony - where the parents paint the war stripes on the cub scouts - every color representing something different - and please don't ask me because i can't remember what each color meant. it went by in a blur. and at the end, they got to paint a stripe down our nose - cute huh?


My beautiful baby boy. You asked me what MY favorite part of the whole weekend was today. My favorite part of the entire weekend is when we went to sleep Friday night and you put your arms around my neck and threw a leg over me and said "Mom, i love you sooo much." There is NOTHING in the world that meant more to me than that moment.

I can't wait until the next trip.

I lied. I'm blogging FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!

Ok - i WASN'T going to blog until Monday - but holy beach batman - THERE'S AN AWESOME GIVEAWAY from Completely Coastal - she is pushing the opening of a gorgeous new online store, called Outer Banks Trading Group AND if you're anything like me and drool over Coastal Living magazines and dream of spending your days on sugar white sand - then trust me on this - head over to Completely Coastal now. If you can't go to the beach, you can very tastefully bring the beach to you.

There are so many gorgeous things it was hard to decide what i would spend my giveaway dollars on.

Would it be this.....YUMMY plates for my dining room...

..

or look at these....SO MUCH eye candy....i probably wouldn't even use them as coasters...i'd find away to display those suckers...

This is a blog to say I'm not blogging

until i make it back from hell the cub scout camping trip this coming weekend. and did i mention that BEFORE i get to go on the camping trip - i get to go across the state and back before then? Yea, so i'm so not friends with my calendar right now.

I was all like "Camping's great! I LOVE sleeping outside under the stars!" and then when i brought home the calendar, V looked it over, handed it back, and said "have fun baby, but i have something on EVERY weekend there's a camping trip."

You know how in True Blood, Bill Compton can zoom across a room in under a second? Yea, that was me, immediately in his face. WHADDAYAMEANYOU'RENOTGOIN?????

He did start talking but all I heard was "wahwahwahwahwaMIAMIDOLPHINSGAMESUITETICKETSwahwahwahawha"

I'm sorry....did you say something about MIAMI DOLPHINS SUITE TICKETS?

I get to eat charred meat on a stick, sleep on the ground, and serve my youngest up to the mosquitoes as an early thanksgiving feast - AND YOU'RE GOING TO THE DOLPHINS GAME??? IN THE SUITE?????????

Very well. Go. Have fun. Don't worry about me. I'm sure we'll be fine. just because we're coming off a tropical storm, and it could rain, and my tent's not waterproofed, and i've never started a fire before and i didn't know there was such a thing as waterproof matches, and the stove takes some kind of fuel that isn't sold at walmart, and it could be REALLY cold, and IT'S IN THE WOODS.....we'll be fine. Go. have a great time. really.

So, it's ME and a group of 5 dads and our respective children. I took a poll at the den meeting tonight. NO MOMS ARE GOING. that's right. ZERO. i am IT. That means i'm either going to get REALLY CATERED TO (fingers crossed). or be REALLY BUSY refereeing fights and making sure children don't run into the huge pile of sticks that are on fire. who wants to lay odds?