Wednesday, December 31, 2008

And this is why we're losing sleep at night...

this is the driving teenager.

Her boyfriend from across the country is in town - with us - for the holidays.

Walker's cyclops nightvision that he got for xmas - that's coming in handy - that's all i'm sayin'.

Monday, December 29, 2008

So when do you chuck it all and follow your bliss?

and how does one determine their "bliss"?

I mean, i'm pretty sure that i when i was 7 years old I didn't think "Man, I can't wait to grow up and manage operations for an ISP - that's going to ROCK." ...yeah, certain on that one.

For starters, ISPs didn't exist.

For seconders - i'm pretty sure it went something like "When I grow up I want to be veterinarian". And then when i found out later that i had to go to college for like a gazillion years (hey, when you're 7, a gazillion years is all relative) I decided that I was just going to marry William Gailey and be his wife and have kids.

Then i started to really sound out his last name and decided, eh, maybe not so much.

That's when i just gave up planning my future and just decided that i didn't need to decide on anything serious like that at 7 years old. Actually, it was more likely that i discovered Shawn Cassidy and started to set my sights a little higher.

Unfortunately, that indecision stayed with me through the first few years of college.

Freshman Year
Dad: "What's your major?"
Me: "Journalism"
Dad: "I'm not paying for you to get a degree that won't earn you back the equivalent of your tuition in 2 years. Try again."

Freshman Year - Summer before Sophomore Year
Dad: "Have you decided on your major?"
Me: "Journalism"

Dad:"THAT AGAIN? Look you don't have to decide until next year anyway, try out a few things."

Sophomore Year
Dad: "You need to decide on your major:
Me: "What do YOU want it to be?"
Dad: "Anything that makes you happy."
Me: "Writing makes me happy."
Dad: "Then write about all the money you're making as an attorney."

And, i went to school one more semester and then...I DROPPED OUT.

And became a flight attendant. Are you proud now Daddy?"

And then I went into sales, and that job turned into a marketing job, which led to marketing manager's job, which led to operations which is where i now sit. AND I AM NOT FOLLOWING MY BLISS. I DO love my boss, and i actually really like doing what i'm doing, and i love the fact that i can sit by the pool and do my job remotely. THAT ROCKS. yes it does. BUT..This company. It is a really stressful environment. And those pool days - they rarely happen. It's more than likely you will find me sitting at my desk at 7 am and still there checking email at 7 in the evening. Where's the joy of remote work if you're tied to the desk longer than if you had to report to an office?? Not to mention, there's this little tiny voice that says "what about what I want to do?" - does that count?

I was eating breakfast with the driving teenager this morning who's getting ready to enter college soon and I gave her the only advice i could - FOLLOW YOUR HEART and the money will follow you. I wish someone had given me that advice a lot sooner. I hope she heeds those words.

So this year, I am going to work on following my bliss. Unfortunately, my bliss is turning out to be stalking houses. And flipping houses right now - not the best idea. But i am going to devote time and energy this year into what things i CAN do revolving around design and real estate. That part, the house part, i get honestly. Both my grandfather and father were builders/remodelers by trade. My dad went back to restoring houses for his second career in retirement, after doing that before his first 'real career' in aerospace. And since rockets aren't my gig...well...

Don't worry, there will be no sudden moves - but i have had enough of working for the 'man'.

and who is this man anyway?

Monday, December 15, 2008

This is your pug. This is your pug on drugs.

Right now I am cursing my vet.

Yeah, I know he's a kind man. He rescues animals. He goes to court (3 times in the last 2 months that i know of) to fight for animals that can't speak for themselves because they've been killed in horrendous ways by their owners. Animals LOVE him. You see no animals cowering in his waiting room. Dogs wag their tales and kitties purr when he picks them up.

So, why you ask, am i sitting here sewing a voodoo doll with his tufts of his hair? Because i am in PUG HELL here.

My pug is old. He is blind. He is also deaf. He's narcoleptic. And he has 2 to 3 seizures a day. Which causes him to lose his bowels. For that reason, he lives in our kitchen closed off by baby gates. I get up to the smell of coffee, dog poo and pee every morning. I mop the floor before i have my first cup of coffee and curse the vet.

I feed the boys, pack snacks for school and drop them off and come back to more dog poo and pee. I wash 4 towels a day and re-wash his doggy pillow countless times so that he's not sleeping on piss. This continues about every 4 hours - rinse, repeat.

Last Friday I gathered up my courage and called the vet to make the APPOINTMENT. I felt it was the right decision. For his little soul and for what little sanity i have left. The vet was out so i left a message. He called me back that night and suggested that maybe we should put the dog on phenylbarbitol, before we pull the pug plug. Now, see, here is where you're going to see the side of me i'm not so proud of. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO RUN A DOGGY NURSING HOME HERE INDEFINITELY.

I have 2 small boys, 2 small kittens, 1 large cat, 1 teenage girl driving, 2 of us that BOTH work from home (a SMALL home), a job that has not told me if i'm keeping this job after merger or if they are going to make me move across the country, one boy being diagnosed with several PPD issues and I'm having panic attacks while trying to keep sane. I AM NOT UP FOR THIS.

But somehow, with all of this running through my head, my mouth still betrayed me and i showed what a spineless jellyfish i really am, and said "Ok, i'll pick the pills up". And i did. And i cursed some more. And i popped a beer. Which i handed to Vance and then made a Vodka Tonic. In a tall glass. That would be the pink tumbler you see here. Yes, it was full. That little white thing? That's a serenity candle that i thought about throwing at the vet the next time i saw him.

This is the pug.

This is the pug on drugs.

I think he looks happy. Don't you?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

That's going to be a 2 minute penalty...

Conversation in the backseat during a 2 hr car ride.

Walker: "Nate, why are you bringing that stupid thing - it's not a real hockey stick."

Nate: "I know that. But i like it and i can use it as one."

Walker: "That's retarded, you don't even have anything to use for a puck. And you have to play outside on the driveway. You need a ball, There's not going to be a ball at the condo."

Nate: "You don't know - there might be one in the garage."

Walker: "Whatever - you KNOW you're gonna need a ball."

Nate: "Well.. I could just use your head."

Ok, see - now i KNOW that i wasn't supposed to laugh - especially OUT LOUD at that. You should never ever show appreciation at one child's humor at another child's expense. But oh my freakin' god - Walker just got checked.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Getting over the day with Merlot and Friends

and far be it from me to keep all the fun to myself. Well, aside from the wine. That bottle's MINE. BACK OFF BIOTCHES.

Check out this stuff - pure entertainment.

Want to give the PTA something to talk about - send your kid to the xmas cookie exchange with cookies made from this little gem pulled from - scroll down until you see FETUS COOKIE. Yeah, you read that right...go ahead, you know you're curious....

In the market for a new home? Look no further than - she collects the ODDEST real estate listing pictures and captions them to make you spew your chardonnay.

There's nothing funnier than real life - and if you like eavesdropping on other people's conversations - you will LOVE THIS SITE
OMG - i love NYC - and this just makes me want up and move.


So, how was your day?

10:00 am
Volkswagon Dealership: "Sheri? Your car's ready to be picked up - the final bill was $1700.00.
Me: "OK, Vance will come by and pick it up. Here's my credit card...."
1:00 pm
Vance: "Hey, the oil gauge is still not working and the car is doing the same damn thing it was doing before we took it in."
Me: "Then take it back - I just paid the equivalent of Walker's first semester of college to get it out of there -TAKE IT BACK."
Vance: silence.
Me: "Hello? Did you hear me? Did the phone drop?"
....more silence...oh now i can's STEAM coming through the cell phone.
Vance: "Fine."
Me: "Babe, i have to get it fixed - it's got to go back"

Vance: "OK. Fine. Let me go. I'll call you when i charge my battery."
...that is code for "Goddammit Sheri, I have a million things to do and being your valet is not one of them."
re-direct anger to VW.
Me: "Lillian? Yeah, it's Sheri, I just talked to Vance and he said that the oil gauge is still not working and the..."
VW Lill: "We tried to get it to correct it by unplugging the sensor and re-plugging it back in - but it still wouldn't stay consistently on - we did replace the fuel pump though so that hesitation should be worked.."
Me..escalating to talk OVER her: "Yeah - that hesitation that you're saying is fixed is still there and i expect that it should be gone now, like the $1700 out of my checking account."
VW Lill: "Well, just bring it back it in."
Me: "That's what i'm telling you we're doing."

re-redirecting back to V.
Message on V's phone: "Call me and let me know if you are REALLY going back to the dealership so i know what to tell the car rental place about returning the rental."
Call back conversation from V to me: " DIDN'T I TELL YOU I WAS TAKING IT BACK?"
Me: "KIND OF. You said FINE." grrrr.


Boss' Boss on phone: "Sheri, i need you to pull the month end labor hours and cross it against our month end productivity."
Me: "We don't get those numbers for another week, the report's 7 days in lag."
BB: "Yeah, that's not going to work - i need that like now."
Me: "I'll find out if we can get the report manually pulled - but then I'll have to piece meal the info and right now i'm in the middle of paying commissions...."
BB: "OK - so you can get it to me in an hour?"

Me: "Were you on our conference call about how to enter your sales into the tracking tool?"
Sales Mgr: "Well no, i had to be out in the field so i couldn't call in - can you just research those customers for me?"

Me: "Uhm, no, there's 1 of me and 100+ of you. That's why i had 3 different calls so that everyone could attend at least one of them to understand how to record your sales. You're going to have to do the research on these because the customer numbers don't exist."
Sales Mgr: "Well, i can't be the only one who's having this issue - do you know if the tool is working right?"

Walker: "Mo0mmmmmmmmmm, the dog is having a seizure again."
Me: "I'm coming...."
Walker "He just pooped all over the kitchen floor."

of course he did...........................................................
Boss' Boss: "Hey - i know you're slammed doing commissions, but i really need that productivity report - can you get it done by COB?
Me: "It's already 6pm."
Boss' Boss "No, MY COB, I'm in Oregon today."
Nate: "Mom I need sticks."
Me: "For what?"
Nate: "School"
Me; "why......"
Nate: "Teepees"
Nate: "and i need something to make Indians."
Me: "And how are you going to make these people?"
Nate: "Can we go to craft store tonight?"
Ok, teachers, can we just call the period between Thanksgiving and New Year's a free pass already??????
Walker: "Mom, the dog just threw up and peed on the kitchen floor again!"
Me: "I know, I see it. I'm looking for our cleaning towels. Keep him from walking through the middle of it."
Walker, holding the egyptian cotton Pottery Barn towels: "I got it already..."