1st Month of School done and 1 Parent/Teacher Conference already...I'd say that's about right.

Appropriate mom clothes. check.
Pen/paper. check
Blackberry on vibrate.check
Swig of Vodka in the parking lot. check.
Altoids. Check.


Ok you, don't get mad before you even get inside the door. Shit, M's here first. Damn, how did he beat me here - i mean really, he never was this prompt before the divorce. Half the time he didn't even know we had kids, much less where the school was located.


Me: "Hi, I'm here to meet Mrs. C for a 2:30 meeting."
School Secretary: "Ah, yes, your husband's already in the room, you can go on in."
Me: "He's not my husband. We're not married."
School Secretary: "...uh..oh. Well, your, I mean, he, he's already in the room."
Me: "Thanks."

Well, at least THAT was fun. Why bother mentioning the actual word, "divorce"...it's much more fun to watch THEM trying to determine if I'm living in sin. Ok, i feel better. Keep walking.


Mrs C.: "...and then he was really worried that the overhead went off for a code RED. The
poor thing was really upset. We all were really, we've never...."


I'm sorry, did you just say "code red"?? What the hell is that?


Me: "I'm sorry, am I late?"
Mrs. C: "Oh, no, you're not late, i was explaining to M that we had our first code red and it really upset T1."
Me: "and what is that..a code red?"
Mrs. C: "There was a burglary suspect that cut across the PE field and ran under our pavillion and they asked us to go into lockdown until the police apprehended him. Your son was really upset. And that is what i really wanted to talk to you both about, he has high anxiety issues. That...and well your son is nothing, if not, well, honest.

Ok, first of all, didn't i write an entire email to you before school started describing the personality traits of T1, and how he has anxiety attacks when confronted with situations that he feels are outside of his control. And how he would be clingy for the first few weeks until he got the drill down? It's not like he doesn't get this honestly. Me and Grey Goose, we're TIGHT. And speaking of 'honest' - what is that last comment about??

Me: "Ok, well, I think I told you about this before school started, right? We've had to address this every year, same thing. Anxiety, clingyness, focus issues."
Mrs. C.: "Right. Well, he i just wanted to talk to you about it because it's disruptive to his learning and maybe we need to keep an eye on it to determine if we need to do something further. I really wouldn't bring it up except that yesterday when I asked the class to raise their hands and give me 100% with showing respect and starting the day ready to learn, T1's hand stayed down."
Me: "Ok...."
Mrs. C.: "And I asked him why he didn't raise his hand, he was the only one in class who didn't, and he said 'Because it would be dishonest."
Me: "ok..."
Mrs. C: "And I asked him how would it be dishonest, and he said because..he could only give 52%."

T1, baby, you continue to make me laugh. That is freaking brilliant. You are SOOO getting ice cream when i pick you up today.

Me: "Well, that IS honest."
Mrs. C: "..yes...well. I think we need to work on this, don't you?"
Me: "Did you ask him why he could only give you 52%?"
Mrs. C: "Yes. He said he felt like that was as much as he could promise and stick to it."

See, i think there's a lesson here people. if you don't have it to give, don't offer it up. or make promises you can't keep. Take it from an 8 year old - honesty is EVERYTHING. Hear that PTA?? I can only give 52%....no, make that 40%....or maybe just 20%....