Swingtown has nothing on Maitland!

Yeah, i thought that would get your attention (smirk).
bow chicka wow wow.

Okay, so I have my house for sale. DON'T EVEN BOTHER EMAILING ME TO LET ME KNOW THAT NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME TO SELL. Shuh....i know that already. But if you've known me for even 10 minutes OR have had the opportunity to ever speak to my mother, you should know by now that "I have a mind of my own" or in my mother's words "You KNOW how she IS."

Back to the good stuff.

I'm out walking Otis when Sam, the guy that lives 2 doors down from me, calls me over. Now, this in itself is not unusual. Sam's a little weird to most people. Not to me - I totally get that he only speaks to certain people - and noooo, I don't find it odd that I'm one of those few people - i have always been in the "in" crowd. Stop laughing - i know he talks to himself for crying out loud but i've got to get my gossip from somewhere and he KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON ON MY STREET. so there.

Anyway. He calls me over and says to me "Hey, while you were on vacation, I think I found someone that wants to buy your house."

this is great news. this could be the fastest sale EVER. SO THERE MOM - STICK IT IN YOUR EAR - I'VE GOT A BUYER nana-nana-na-na....so he's not a realtor, per se, he.just.knows.people.that.know.people.

"Really?? Did they show the house to them when I was at the beach? Who is it?"

Sam starts to stand up a little straighter, and gets all serious.

"It's this woman that I know. She lives in Apopka right now, but her mom lives over in the Hills. (that's Dommerich Hills for my online friends, not the "Hills" like Beverly, swimming pools, movie stars....i've got to stop cracking myself up or this story will never get told...sorry) and she wants to be over here to be closer to take care of her mom. Her maiden name is Lovelace, Linda Lovelace."

uhm...i'm sorry, say that again..

"Sam, did you say Linda Lovelace -- as in DEEP THROAT??!?"

"Yeah, that's her - ya know her?"

And that my friends is why it's a good idea that i'm moving. I'm surrounded by crazy. (And just in case you were wondering - Linda Lovelace does NOT live in Apopka, so don't be getting all excited thinking if you google her she's gonna pop up on myspace and invite you to be her friend. SHE DIED IN 2002. RIP Linda, I hope you got that throat thing finally fixed.)