Time:9:45 pm. Place: My bathroom. Scene: My own little piece of heaven on earth. Bubble bath, lit candles, my latest guilty indulgence from Barnes & Noble and a glass of chilled chardonnay in my hand........aaaahhhhh..............AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHH!
Me, pulling bubbles up to cover the girls: "HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE...AND WHY ARE YOU AWAKE AND OUT OF BED ANYWAY?!"
Thing 1, standing in PJs and barefeet, a little scared of finding me naked, holding that little key I use to get him and his brother out of the bathroom: "I forgot to tell you something."
Me, fully aware that the nighttime stalling routine is now kicking into gear for the evening: "Whatever it is can wait until you get up in the morning - march your bottom back to bed."
Thing 1, stalling: "I don't think it can wait 'til then. It's pretty important."
Me, growing ever so agitated that my wine is warming to room temp: "Trust me, nothing is so important that it can't wait until breakfast - scoot."
Thing 1: "...yeah, but my teacher is going to be mad at me."
Now he's got my attention.
Me: "T1....what were you supposed to tell me???"
Thing 1: "I was supposed to bring in a poster of things in groups of 5, 10 and 25 for math class tomorrow."
Me: "AND WHEN DID SHE GIVE YOU THIS ASSIGNMENT?"
Thing 1: "I don't remember, it was on that project paper i gave you on Monday"
It's now Thursday. I vaguely remember that paper, i used it to mop up milk on the dinner table. crap. bad mom. WAIT A MINUTE....it's HIS project. He's not off the hook here. He's 8, he knows it's up to him to get his stuff ready for school. He's only 8....my baby, he's scared of what's going to happen when he shows up at school without his project. I should have looked at the paper. I SHOULD HAVE PUT THE DAMN PAPER ON THE FRIDGE LIKE ALL THE OTHER GOOD MOMS....
Thing 1: "...mom...did you hear me??"
Me, now halfway out of the tub and scrambling to become somewhat covered up: "huh?...YES I HEARD YOU. You know what this means, it means i have to now go to Walmart at 10 at night and get poster board. YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE MISTER. You are now going to get up EARLY AND DO THIS PROJECT BEFORE SCHOOL- DO YOU HEAR ME - NO WHINING WHEN I WAKE YOU UP."
Thing 1:"Ok, but you have to get beans and rice and stuff too."
WTH - he's not in home-ec, he's in 2nd grade - BEANS AND RICE?
Thing 1: "You know, the hard ones, and some macaroni too, that kind of stuff that's easy to glue to the poster board."
What is it with damn teachers that think i have a pantry stockpiled with dry goods. Staples my ass, the only staples i stock up are those that come in handy during hurricane season. We live in the burbs in Florida people, not Iowa. I stock the important stuff. Canned goods. Paper plates. Bottled Water. Vodka.
Next morning, hustling kids into car, taking every precaution to not bend the damn posterboard that we ended up fighting over at 6am.
Thing 1: "huh."
Me: "What, did forget your backpack?..what now?"
Thing 1: "i found yesterday's homework list, the math board isn't due until NEXT Friday."