Monday, July 27, 2009

Yea...right...about that...

While we were on vacation on Anna Maria Island, we did this "eco-tour boat charter" thing where you give a small fortune (i promised the capt she could keep whatever kid threw up over the side first) and they take you around the bay to fish and sand bar hop for half a day.

This is how it went.

Walker: THAT'S our boat??!?

Nate: It has a dent in the side.

: Our captain's a GIRL??

Nate: How old IS she? She looks REALLY young. Are you sure she's old enough?

Vance: Get in the god-$%#& boat.

Me: Can i drink on this boat?

So, we all pile in and motor towards the sandbar. We get there, the capt throws anchor over the side and says we can all hop into the water.

: It looks too deep.

Walker: It does. How deep is it? How do you KNOW?

The teenager captain rolls her eyes, and jumps in to prove the water is shallow enough not to drown the little buggers.

: Sharks. I'm pretty sure sharks come into the bay.

Me, shaking me head violently to the captain, fingers crossed behind my back, imploring her to back me up in my lie.

Captain: Nope. NO sharks. See?

Vance: Get off the god-#$%@ boat for chrissake.

Me: Where is that koozie?

Once in the water, nice captain lady points out all the sand dollars under our feet and the tons of sea urchins every few feet. She even goes underwater and picks one up to show the boys.


In a flash Nate has walked on water and is now on Vance's back, no limb touching the water.

Walker, however, is underwater trying to find what Nate has knocked out of the captain's hand.

Would you like to see what sent my 8 year old Jacque Cousteau into orbit?

This. Not the sand dollar. Nope. See that TINY speck of beige orange on the top? That's a crab. The size of my little pinky fingernail. Not even the whole nail. The size of my nailbed. There were about 10 of them on the underside of the sand dollar.

So pretty much the entire time we were in the water, he was on Vance's back. Poor Vance. It was a long day. And then, we piled back into boat. And promptly ran over a shark. No kidding. Yes, my boys now know that honesty isn't a policy here as much as it's a suggestion.

Then, when we got back to the beach house, the first thing out of Nate's mouth is a direct order to put the TV on Deadliest Catch. That's not the funny part.

The funny part is that he looked me dead in the eye and said "That's what I'm going to do when i grow up."

Reach for the stars babe.


Karen said...

First of all HI-Larious!
Second been there with the kid crawling on top of a parent because of the critters in the ocean.
Third and best of all... we also vacation on Anna Maria Island! I so need the name of the eco-tour company!

Amy said...

This is hilairous!!!!!!!

Rose - The Center of My Self said...

Omigosh, the story is funny enough on its own, but the way you tell it ... HILARIOUS! Kids and vacations are such great fodder for a good story. And you ran over a SHARK! Hilarious! I'm glad you blog about your adventures so these stories aren't lost to memory.

maitlandmommy AKA Sheri said...

Hey Karen - it's good to see you :)

We go to AMI every year and stay and sand and sea villas - it's 6 cottages w/pool 2 houses from the beach and one street away from sandbar (down the same side street, ocean side of the old IGA).

I initially booked with Capt Kim Istblafan eco charters, and the we got canceled due to weather - so we picked up Capt Kim and First Mate pup pup charter - she didn't do ours - her asst did - the young girl that i can't remember her name - but she was really sweet with the boys.

Rose - it's always an adventure. When Vance read this he said "You made me out to be an ass" i said "you DID say that!" and he said "yea, but you don't have to tell ANYBODY." I told him it's the price you pay for hangin with me kid.