I have the coolest. kids. evuh. Look at this stud - out there rockin' the wave, fully intent on riding it all the way in. He's 7. SEVEN. When I asked Thing 1 and 2 what they wanted to do this summer, Thing 2 wasted NO time in pitching the surf camp idea, while Thing 1, who I swear is 18 not 8 - said "sleep...alot". Well, where one of us goes, we all go. Sorry T1 - you drew the short end of the stick. Stop whining - get excited - it's THE BEACH FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD - who doesn't want to be at the beach?? I think he kind of snorted at me and went back to watching Jonas brothers or something else equally as stimulating on the stupid tube.
So, here is how I envisioned the week going. I would sleep until 8:15 or so, get up, have my coffee, feed the Things, and get them to surf camp by 9am. By 9:15 - THE PARENTS WERE HOME FREE. We would have a second cup of coffee, move to the beach chairs with our crosswords and our books. Take a mid-day siesta. Be sipping something frozen with an umbrella in it by 2pm. Be in margaritaville by the time the kids returned at 4pm and talk about all the FUN WE WERE HAVING over dinner. SLEEP. REPEAT.
I'm one naive MUTHA.
Here is how the week actually went. Got up at 8:15 (so far so good, right???) Made coffee. Coffee pot in condo circa 1980 = S....L.....O.....W.....DRIP. While i wait, i wake the boys.
Thing 1: "I'M NOT GOING. I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO GO. I WANT TO STAY HERE. WITH YOU. THIS WAS WHAT HE (pointing to T2 snoring on bed) WANTED TO DO. NOT ME....slowly melting down...WE ALWAYS DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO, I NEVER GET TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!"
This is me, ignoring him. He'll see his brother dressed for the beach and be jealous and change his mind, I think. IGNORE. DON'T LOOK. PROCEED WITH PLAN.
Me: "Thing 2, get up. Camp starts in 30 minutes!"
Thing 2 gets up and gets dressed, and i feel just a tad of relief that he appears EXCITED. OK, so we're almost on track - deep breath. For all of 2 seconds.
Vinnie (otherwise known as that man i live with): "He's not wearing THAT right?"
What is the problem - it's swim trunks - last time i checked that is what MOST normal people are wearing TO SWIM, IN WATER, AT THE BEACH.
Me: "Sorry?? What are you talking about - it's fine."
Vinnie: "Uhm, yeah, if he was in playing in the kiddie pool - IT'S SURF CAMP - he needs board shorts. He can't look like a dork - run him by the surf shop on your way to camp."
OK, first of all, he does NOT look like a dork. He looks fine. Secondly, it's 8:30 in the morning, what surf shop (run by old surfers...that sleep in....helloooo, didn't you watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High..Spicoli was NEVER AWAKE BEFORE NOON.) opens before 10am? Third, I NEED MY COFFEE BEFORE I CAN EVEN BEGIN TO GET FURTHER INTO THIS CONVERSATION.
30 minutes later and $45 dollars poorer I am now fully aware that Cocoa Beach has the only 24 hour surf shop in the world. Convienently located across the street from a 24 hr Starbucks. Please tell me what happened to the 60's, weed and waves? One surfer with an alarm clock and a business plan. Perfect.
T2: "Who's your counselor mom?"
Me: "Huh?"
T2: "Who's teaching you - I've got Kyle"
Me: "'YOU'RE surfing, mommy's relaxing - but i'll be watching Pumpkin - just go out there and knock 'em dead."
T2, eyes starting to well up: "Mom, you said we were all going to do it"
Noooo, I said we were all going...and here we all are....this is going to be fun.....why isn't this fun already????
Me: "Babe, do you really need Mommy, you're going to have a blast - really - it's looks like fun!"
T2: "BUT YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO IT. PUHLEEEEEEEEZE MOMMY, SURF WITH ME".
Me: "Honey, this is really for kids, not parents. Let's walk up to the table and get you registered."
Enter Brian, the surf camp owner.
Brian: "So, what gives Mom, are you surfing with us or not? We teach everybody."
And that is how I ended up learning to surf at 39 years old.
If you're wondering how i did, let me be honest. IT WAS A FREAKIN' BLAST. I got up, I fell down and sometimes I even caught a wave and popped up like they told me to. Oh, and the surf instructor eye candy wasn't bad either. If you really want a great summer experience - go see these guys - they ABSOLUTELY FREAKIN ROCK. The classes were small, very hands on, and every kid gets personalized attention. http://www.nexgensurf.com/
And yeah, i'm going to do it again too.
