I am officially my own worst enemy.

I got my 9 year old (10 on the 19th as if that matters) a phone for Christmas.

I knew that I would get lots of head shakes from half of our family/friends, and the other half (actually, maybe 2/3's) would not even bat an eye. That is either the perk or the curse of having V work for a cell carrier - while there is cost - it is palatable thus more of our friends' kids have cell phones in their pudgy, sticky, ten year old hands.

I did get it for a very selfish reason - i wanted to be able to call him directly without having to ring his dad's phone every time i wanted to hear his and his brother's voice. And i thought, this child never really asks for anything (unlike his brother), and this one thing he has asked for all year. We even gave him a dummy model back in the summer that i had used in retail when i worked for Sprint and told him that if he could produce the phone every time i asked and it wasn't destroyed or lost - we might consider getting him one for Christmas.

It was the one thing that wasn't lost or detroyed this year. huh.

Fast forward to today. So far:

1. He has called me from his bedroom to talk to my while I'm in the kitchen.
2. Called his dad NUMEROUS times while watching bowl games so that they can 'watch together'.
3. Taken some very unflattering pictures of all of us for his contacts so that these pictures can be enjoyed by all every time one of us decides to call him.
4. Texted me from the couch while i'm in the same.room.
5. Calls and checks his minutes balance so much Sprint is going to call him back and ask him to stop.
6. and the final straw - he googled my name and found ALL OF MY POSTS AND HAS BEEN READING THEM OUT LOUD TO THOSE THAT SHOULDN'T HEAR ALL OF WHAT I'VE BEEN BLOGGING. Why he never did that on the laptop i don't know and it's a mute point now.
   

So. How to deal. how to deal. Delete old posts or say "Screw it. Those are my words and were honestly portraying how I felt at the time."

Meet me under the mistletoe...I have some children I'd like to give you.

"Get your shoes on, i have some errands to run."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH MOOOOOOOOM I don't want to run errands."

"Get in the car."

"I HATE ERRANDS. I HATE SHOPPING. Why can't i stay here???"

"Get in the car."

"But MOOOOOMMMMM - I..."

"I SAID GET IN THE FRIGGIN CAR. NOW. NOT TOMORROW. NOT 10 SECONDS FROM NOW. NOOOOOOOOOOOW."

"I'm gonna tell Dad - you said the F word!".

sigh.

"Quit ramming the cart into your brother."

"Stop touching your brother."

"Don't SAY THAT WORD."

"I SAID DON'T SAY THAT WORD."

"Don't pick up that box. It's glass."

"CLEAN UP ON AISLE 3. BRING BROOM AND DUSTPAN."

sigh.

"I want THIS for Christmas."

"Can i get it NOW?"

"Why?? PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSE???"

"YOU NEVER LET ME GET ANYTHING AT THE STORE."

"I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!"

me too.

"I LOVE CHRISTMAS, IT'S SO MUCH FUN. RIGHT MOM??"

"ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY"

truly.

You know how holding someone's hair when they puke makes you REALLY tight with them?

i can top it.

It's been a confusing, strange path of late - between me, the ex and the girlfriend/fiance of his. Some of which i've blogged about. A lot of which i haven't. A lot - and i mean a LOT girlfriends - of time on my knees, forgetting what time it was, praying in earnest to show me what to do and how to do it, and the strength to do it with.

It's ok.

I got to"peace".

We've talked. A lot. I found out that I really like her. Like, as in, we would probably be friends if we met up and there was no ex involved. We have glasses of wine, stories about family, jobs, and kids. And it isn't forced. It.just.is. And that's good.

But tonight - tonight it went past that.

My youngest, my Nate, my baby, is sick. Stayed home from school today with stuffy nose, headache, and sore throat.

This was his dad's day - so i went by to see him and see if he needed anything. She walked me up to his room where he was on his bed and as i sat down with the walgreen's bag in my lap on one side of him, she sat on the other.

And that is about when he turned around and projectile threw up. We're not talking baby or toddler puke. We're talking kid, chunk puke (nice visual, huh?).

As i grabbed the bag i had to hold under him - she held his forehead. She never flinched. No gag reflex action. Believe me. I watched. closely. when you haven't had kids - it's hard to stifle that. once you've had one - you hardly notice.

And when he finally settled down, he looked at me and leaned back against her.

and i thought, THAT'S the kind of person that i want backing me up when i'm not around. And as sad as it is - i can't be there every minute - but when i'm not - she will be. And that's ok.

Charity begins at home i always say. Evidently so does my son.

Putting away clothes in Nate's room last week, i find a wad of cash, ones to be precise, stuffed into a sock in his top drawer.

If he weren't only 8 years old, i would say it's his bank roll for some lap dances at the Fox Trap.

When he walked in on me standing there eyeing that cash, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"where did this come from?"

"uhm, allowance?"

me - staring him down.

"ok FINE. It's offering for church."

"what do you mean it's offering for church?? You were supposed to put that in the offering plate in sunday school!"

"they didn't take up offering."

"why didn't you tell me?"

"you didn't ASK"

Very well. You better ASK for Santa to leave you gifts this year. I'm just sayin.

I'm sorry, but it's time. I know you don't think so, but it is.

My children, not to mention V, are now convinced that mommy has indeed lost her mind. I started putting up Christmas decorations last night. I only got as far as the dining room before a glass of wine called me name. Thus the wreath lounging on the bench, and the nutcracker guarding the garland on the dining room floor.

See how brightly that sun is shining on my wreath? It's because it was about 90 degrees yesterday. More Margaritaville than White Christmas. And it's PRE Thanksgiving. MAJOR CRIME. Nate said it was rule that you couldn't decorate for one holiday BEFORE another. Obviously, he hasn't read Nester's rules about decorating. I think she and I would be BFFs IRL.
(see stepdaughter to be - i CAN text, so there.)


Are you living by the calendar right now like I am? Does it mock you like mine does? Do you hear a soft "tick tick tick" resembling a timebomb in your head? I thought once i had kids that damn clock would shut the EFF up. (See, i'm even curtailing my potty mouth. swear.) My calendar is not my friend right now.

1. Round 2 of football season and practice - tick.
2. Getting boys to beach house for Thxgiving holiday w/dad on Saturday - tick.
3. Getting self pack and overnight to Tampa by Saturday night for step's band competition. tick.
4. Get BACK to Winter Park by NOON the next day for our women's group to decorate the church for the holidays. tick.
5. Thanksgiving week in Tallahassee. TICK TICK.
6. Put the tree up, the lights on, and get the menu done. TICK TICK.
   
7. Back from Tallahassee, fly to NYC for 4 days TICK TICK TICK.
8. SHOPPING. WHEN IN IS THIS GOING TO GET DONE???? tick tick tick tick tick

I know y'all feel me. If you don't - just lie to me. Don't be those friends i hate that say "Oh... my shopping is done, i want to ENJOY the holidays." HOW CAN YOU ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT A PANIC ATTACK??? Pishposh, bring on the paxil - and i will wish you a Merry Christmas in no time flat.

Hell wasn't nearly as hot as I'd thought it be.

It got down to 50 degrees in fact. Which was probably a really good thing considering we didn't shower the entire time we were there. It could have been really ripe around all those un-showered little boys.

And - honestly - i have been trying to think of something clever and smarmy to post about this entire adventure. and i can't. I enjoyed myself so much. It was the first time i have EVER had my youngest son all to myself for an entire 3 days. No ex, no future, no grandparents, no big brother. Just him and me. And i'm warning you all right now, that i don't think i can get through this post without a tear or two escaping.

Oh - and the mom's DID come - on Saturday around noon. I guess the dads all go out friday night, and the wives come out for the saturday events and pack campfire ceremony.

We built boats and raced tham in rain gutters (very cool idea and thankfully lots of the male chromosome around to put those rain gutters on their stands and get them to stay put.)...

I did learn some things:

1. All of that stuff i packed that Vance told me was overkill GOT USED. so there mr. man.
2. Don't forget the tarp for under your tent - or you'll have to clean the bottom where it was sitting on the ground in the dirt, before you can pack it up and put in your nice clean car. or you can do like i did, and shove it in your car anyway.
   
3. When your husband laughs at you for packing a broom and dustpan, do it anyway, because like #2 - that's another thing you'll have to clean out when you get home - the inside.
4. The boys will want to build a fort in the woods, as far off the path that you will let them go, with sticks, and pine needles and palm frawns. Let them. Go with them. Get dirty. Crawl inside. Be THAT mom.
   
5. Keep your tent zipped up the ENTIRE TIME. or you will get visitors like this:
6. No matter how many times the following words come out of your mouth, it will be echoed by another parent in less than 5 minutes. For example: "Don't run with that stick, skewer, flashlight, tent pole, WHAT IS THAT, in your hand - you're going to poke an eye out, break your front teeth out, break an arm, a leg, trip over the picnic table, the campfire, the tent stake..." get the idea?
   
7. Spend the $25 and get the air bed. AND THE PUMP. i slept like a baby - and everyone had them.
8. Spend the extra $10 and get the sleeping bags that go down to 20 degrees. once again, worth it. Florida girl here...hellooooooooo.
9. Don't stress what you don't know. and i didn't know a lot. You'll learn and other parents all help. It is one big family out in wilderness. i mean camp that was 10 minutes from the interstate.
   

We invited guests into our site...look really closely....can you see them? They're gray and blend into the picnic table...sand hill cranes.


We had a great big pack meeting around the campfire (that's my kid with the blond hair, the arm sling and the walking stick - all props for the den's skit.)



and we closed the evening with a 'bobcat' ceremony - where the parents paint the war stripes on the cub scouts - every color representing something different - and please don't ask me because i can't remember what each color meant. it went by in a blur. and at the end, they got to paint a stripe down our nose - cute huh?


My beautiful baby boy. You asked me what MY favorite part of the whole weekend was today. My favorite part of the entire weekend is when we went to sleep Friday night and you put your arms around my neck and threw a leg over me and said "Mom, i love you sooo much." There is NOTHING in the world that meant more to me than that moment.

I can't wait until the next trip.

I lied. I'm blogging FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!

Ok - i WASN'T going to blog until Monday - but holy beach batman - THERE'S AN AWESOME GIVEAWAY from Completely Coastal - she is pushing the opening of a gorgeous new online store, called Outer Banks Trading Group AND if you're anything like me and drool over Coastal Living magazines and dream of spending your days on sugar white sand - then trust me on this - head over to Completely Coastal now. If you can't go to the beach, you can very tastefully bring the beach to you.

There are so many gorgeous things it was hard to decide what i would spend my giveaway dollars on.

Would it be this.....YUMMY plates for my dining room...

..

or look at these....SO MUCH eye candy....i probably wouldn't even use them as coasters...i'd find away to display those suckers...